Well, summer has officially begun now that the Colorado weather has evened out and the warmth has taken precedent over May snow storms. It is hard to believe that it has only been a week since school has ended. I haven't made as much progress as I've hoped, but there is still quite a lot of time. Next week I'm off to California for a little relaxation and regrouping. Much needed. I'm ready to get a clear game plan and focus myself. I just need to keep my goal clear. What actions will get me closer to a dance company and which will bring me further away? A constant choice.

Operation Sick Puppies

School is out for summer and the real work has just begun. After a quick 4 day recovery from academia and strep, it is time to get this booty back in dancing shape. Dance class had to take a back seat these past couple months. Work got intense and the end of my life at CC needed attention. Plus, me and CC dance aren't the best of friends. Regardless, this summer is a time of preparation beyond anything else. Going into a new school, a new dance program, and a new city, I want to be the best I can. This is my last chance at a first impression. It has to count. I'm going to make it count.

And so: operation sick puppies has commenced. Derived from the joke "anyone know a good vet? (flexes muscles) 'cause these puppies are sick." Yea, I know....

These next 2 weeks prior to my 10 day adventure in California will be about getting my body back to fighting shape.

Rebounding from the end of the year shenanigans, I'm starting with a balanced diet with plenty of hydration and a detox from excess alcohol and caffeine. A consistent sleep pattern is also très importanté. Cardio 5 times a week; yoga and strength training every day. Once in California to see my cousin and my aunts and uncles, stretching is priority as well as keeping up with ballet barre while away.

Upon return, it is the plan to be ready for a 4 week time period filled with dance. 4 1/2 hours a day, four days a week with the weekends for strength training and rest.

So, wish me luck as I venture into months of preparation. School is over and I've got nothing but time. I'm gonna make it count.

Chicago Bound

Some of the beautiful companies that are stationed in Chicago....Maybe one day I'll get lucky...

A long way to go

A subtle evening of undiscovered music always puts me in an interesting mood.
Currently listening to: Backyards by Make Phantoms.

I'm feeling daunted. Looking through facebook pictures of fellow dancers here at CC was not a smart decision. It's hard to know that there was so much potential at the school, with these phenomenal dancers. They all have so much heart, so much promise, so much talent. I threw it away with some stupid choices from the beginning. It is hard for me not to live in the past, to regret and wonder. Where could I have been right now?

In high school I was dancing 15 hours a week and wanting more. Right now, I haven't been in a class for a month. My priorities right now are to finish up school, to spend as much time with my best friend in the last week we have together. Even if I wanted to be in class, it never feels at home here. Whether I can keep up or not, class is never right; I am never right.

I just want to be so much more. I look at myself as a dancer and know how much I've regressed. Faith in my self and in my heart has to push me forward. I need to know that it isn't too late to become all I know I can. Even though I will only have 2 years at Columbia College, I need to remember that I am only 18. I hope that with time will come progress, true friendship and community within the dance world. I'm tired of being 'just ok.' I know I am a good dancer, but I know I'm not great. I want to be great. I want to prove that I can do it. To myself more than the rest of the world.

B-Boys

Hip hop arouse in the South Bronx right around 1970. New York was in bad shape, and the Bronx was in ruins. Fires plagued the city and infrastructure was disintegrating. Latin and African American youth had nothing to do and no where to go, leaving many of them in gangs. But the power of hip hop emerged and gave the city a new life.

Kool Herc, Africa Bambatta and Grandmaster Flash brought a fresh beat to the inner city. As Djing came to life, so did a new style of dance. Hip hop movement was both free and aggressive, a competitive style that relied on unique interpretations. DJs realized that the crowd really got going when the lyrics faded and the bass got louder. Once the musical prowess of the DJs took over during the break of the song, the anticipation was over and the hip hop dancers took the center of the circle. They became known as Break Boys, better known today as B-Boys.

Featured in the blockbuster hit Flashdance, hip hop dance made its way to far off countries and brought hip hop to the world.

Modern Hip Hop dance has spread across the globe to Latin America, Europe, and South Asia (south Korea and Japan have made a HUGE name for themselves in the global scene). Each country, region, and city has a personal style that has made B-Boying a powerhouse in the dance world. Here are a few videos of some sick B-Boys and their crews from across the globe.

Phase T: France (One of my favorites!)


Ichigeki: Japan (Came in Second place in Best of the Year 2005)


Exquizyth Crew: The Philippines


More to come from US crews.

These next couple month are gonna be rough. My school works on a block plan so you take one class each month 3hours a day, every day, then you get a break followed by a new course. My next two I don't have anything I want to take. I'm needing a job bad, but Colorado Springs is so small that it's almost impossible to find one. I need to start getting in shape for more hardcore training when I get to Chicago. On top of it all, my best friends aren't gonna be around much. It will be months of biting the bullet. I take solace in the fact that it will all pay off in the end, at least I hope so.

Spring Break

It is that time of year where college students venture out into the world and get wasted. I, however, am here in Denver. Not that Denver is a bad place, it's just home and the norm.

Money is more than a little frustrating in my life. It's hard to realize that what I do and how I can live is limited. Not that I want more stuff, oh contrair, I live for throwing useless things away. When I drive myself to Chicago later this year, if it doesn't fit in my '95 corolla, it doesn't come. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

The bummer comes when friends are involved. I can accept that I don't have the income to go out too often, but it's always hard to realize that I can't foster my friendships because I can't afford to. It will only get worse as I start paying more and more of my own bills.

On the other hand, a huge part of me romanticizes that 'starving artist' image. Studio apartment, working a crappy job just to sustain. There is a beautiful aesthetic to that whole situation. Sacrificing for your passion. People don't perform because it makes them tons of money. They make art because they have to.

I just need to meet more people with a savings account under $500. Then I'm covered.

My first College performance

First semester freshman year, haven't performed much since.

A while...

Wow, so it's been a while since I've posted. A lot has changed, but a lot is just the same. I am still in Colorado, but with a definite direction.

Last weekend was my first time in New York city for the Marymount Manhattan College dance auditions. There was 85 people in a room no where near sufficient for that many black leotards. Needless to say it was a bit of a disaster.

As beautiful as the facilities were and as amazing as the city was, the second I walked in I knew it was not the place for me. Mother's putting their daughter's hair up in a bun, prepping them for what's to come, diva's galore. We did a typical ballet bar with a very short center (reminding me just how shitty my petite allegro is) and then we learned a jazz and modern combination. It was nearly impossible to see the choreographer try to teach the phrase, everyone squishing forward and pushing their way around. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I got kicked or slapped in the face. When they would call to switch lines, people would move back a couple steps and leave it at that. Frustrating.

Overall, I didn't do very well. I didn't suck or fall on my face, but I was so put off by that attitude and atmosphere of the whole endeavor that I couldn't get my flow together.

After 4 hours of mostly standing, I left without seeing the audition results. I knew that I wouldn't be on there, but even if by some miraculous perspective they thought I had potential, I didn't want to waste their time. That stereotypical 'dancer' world is what I'm trying to get away from. So, I am off to Chicago. I mailed my acceptance yesterday and it is final. My withdrawal from Colorado College has been processed and I am beginning my preparations to get out of this state. A relief.

Now that it is all final, the journey really begins. There is no turning back now. Just forward motion.

Oh, and if you haven't been to NY, GO. I was only there for 3 days and I barely scratched the surface, but instantly fell in love. If I get rich one day, maybe I'll venture back to a couple thousand dollar studio apartment.

Much love.

Columbia College?!

I've already gotten my acceptance to Marymount Manhattan College and I have been anxiously awaiting my acceptance to Columbia College in Chicago.

That being said...I got a letter today!
....saying that it is still missing my letter of recommendation. I love when things are out of my hands. Hopefully another email will fix that problem. Blah. I never thought I would have to deal with this college crap again.

A very wise man once told me that every action can be linked to desire or threat, which can surprisingly be a very fine line.

My family hasn't always been the best. Growing up, we were a wholesome family. We ate dinner together, attend any school function, never fought. It was a good time. Regardless, we weren't close. The unspoken assumption that emotions get you nowhere hovered through the house like clear smoke. By the time my brother grew into his troublesome teenage years, I jumped on the role of stabilizer. I was the one they didn't have to worry about, did my homework, stayed out of trouble, did my chores. I got older, things got crazy and ironically, I turned out to be the more problematic child.

I ran away to college.

Then I learned a good lesson: wherever you are, there you are. So, I began the task of fixing who I am, not where I am. Now there's a never ending process for you.

It seems that just as I have begun to find comfort in where I am, my time to leave sparks up. I hope that's a good sign. I'm running towards something, not running away. It's desire, not threat. Right? And plus, if it doesn't work out.....I can always come home..the thought makes me cringe only slightly.

Ok, so I have to be honest here. I've been harping on bloggers for quite some time. As much as I do believe that there are some shining stars out there, there is part of me that feels bad for my generation. We have been raised to believe that we are exceptionally special and can do anything in the world. We've been the first to grow up hearing the word self esteem, that being a major priority in growing children. Instead of learning that we deserve praise for doing a good job, we learn that we are great no matter how much we suck.

My point....the generation has been made to feel that no matter what, we are important. The influx of bloggers aides that idea. Our words matter and our life is somehow great enough to warrant people's interest. That being said, it was a big jump to do this. Does it make me a hypocrite? Before I place that vulgar word next to my name, I have to think about intention rather than action. Am I doing this because I think that I'm important? No. I'd like to say that I am doing this for myself, to fine tune my writing skills while I focus introspectively.

And yet, I do hope that in some silly little way, someone could be inspired or maybe even a bit interested....that's my generation showing. I guess we'll have to see.

The Beginning

I have spent the majority of my lifetime planning for the next big moment. From the time I was in 5th grade, I always knew what I wanted to be, what school I was going to go to and what it was going to take to get there. Granted, the path of my life has changed dramatically since my 10 year old dreams, but the way I approached them seemed to remain the same.

My high school experience was dictated directly by what would get me into an admirable school. I pushed to be president, joined as many clubs as possible, and took the hardest classes. My motivation was clear. I went in, did my work, and got out. So, I managed to graduate and begin college at 16.

I have just turned 18 and recently realized that I now have the number to back up the adult actions that I have been taking for years. I realized that everything I've worked for isn't necessarily what I want.

I'm a Colorado girl, born and raised, with an ambition for much more than the western plains. The allure of the city and the environment of a fast paced, dynamic world pull me every single day. At 16, I had to stay instate for school. But now, it's my time to finally make the jump and leave.

I believe that no action can be considered a risk unless you have something to lose. I recognized that my current life is pretty good. I'm at a very respected school, family close by, solid friendships. Leaving all that I have could very well be one of the biggest mistake of my life. But I am willing to risk pretty good for wonderful.

That's what being a true artist is. It is willing to risk all you have to create something spectacular. I know I could never reach my full potential as a dancer and a photographer here.

For the first time in my life, my passion is bigger than my reason.

It's worth all I have.

So this is my journey to make my way out of Colorado and take my dancing habit into a lifestyle. Welcome.