A long way to go

A subtle evening of undiscovered music always puts me in an interesting mood.
Currently listening to: Backyards by Make Phantoms.

I'm feeling daunted. Looking through facebook pictures of fellow dancers here at CC was not a smart decision. It's hard to know that there was so much potential at the school, with these phenomenal dancers. They all have so much heart, so much promise, so much talent. I threw it away with some stupid choices from the beginning. It is hard for me not to live in the past, to regret and wonder. Where could I have been right now?

In high school I was dancing 15 hours a week and wanting more. Right now, I haven't been in a class for a month. My priorities right now are to finish up school, to spend as much time with my best friend in the last week we have together. Even if I wanted to be in class, it never feels at home here. Whether I can keep up or not, class is never right; I am never right.

I just want to be so much more. I look at myself as a dancer and know how much I've regressed. Faith in my self and in my heart has to push me forward. I need to know that it isn't too late to become all I know I can. Even though I will only have 2 years at Columbia College, I need to remember that I am only 18. I hope that with time will come progress, true friendship and community within the dance world. I'm tired of being 'just ok.' I know I am a good dancer, but I know I'm not great. I want to be great. I want to prove that I can do it. To myself more than the rest of the world.