Columbia College?!

I've already gotten my acceptance to Marymount Manhattan College and I have been anxiously awaiting my acceptance to Columbia College in Chicago.

That being said...I got a letter today!
....saying that it is still missing my letter of recommendation. I love when things are out of my hands. Hopefully another email will fix that problem. Blah. I never thought I would have to deal with this college crap again.

A very wise man once told me that every action can be linked to desire or threat, which can surprisingly be a very fine line.

My family hasn't always been the best. Growing up, we were a wholesome family. We ate dinner together, attend any school function, never fought. It was a good time. Regardless, we weren't close. The unspoken assumption that emotions get you nowhere hovered through the house like clear smoke. By the time my brother grew into his troublesome teenage years, I jumped on the role of stabilizer. I was the one they didn't have to worry about, did my homework, stayed out of trouble, did my chores. I got older, things got crazy and ironically, I turned out to be the more problematic child.

I ran away to college.

Then I learned a good lesson: wherever you are, there you are. So, I began the task of fixing who I am, not where I am. Now there's a never ending process for you.

It seems that just as I have begun to find comfort in where I am, my time to leave sparks up. I hope that's a good sign. I'm running towards something, not running away. It's desire, not threat. Right? And plus, if it doesn't work out.....I can always come home..the thought makes me cringe only slightly.

Ok, so I have to be honest here. I've been harping on bloggers for quite some time. As much as I do believe that there are some shining stars out there, there is part of me that feels bad for my generation. We have been raised to believe that we are exceptionally special and can do anything in the world. We've been the first to grow up hearing the word self esteem, that being a major priority in growing children. Instead of learning that we deserve praise for doing a good job, we learn that we are great no matter how much we suck.

My point....the generation has been made to feel that no matter what, we are important. The influx of bloggers aides that idea. Our words matter and our life is somehow great enough to warrant people's interest. That being said, it was a big jump to do this. Does it make me a hypocrite? Before I place that vulgar word next to my name, I have to think about intention rather than action. Am I doing this because I think that I'm important? No. I'd like to say that I am doing this for myself, to fine tune my writing skills while I focus introspectively.

And yet, I do hope that in some silly little way, someone could be inspired or maybe even a bit interested....that's my generation showing. I guess we'll have to see.

The Beginning

I have spent the majority of my lifetime planning for the next big moment. From the time I was in 5th grade, I always knew what I wanted to be, what school I was going to go to and what it was going to take to get there. Granted, the path of my life has changed dramatically since my 10 year old dreams, but the way I approached them seemed to remain the same.

My high school experience was dictated directly by what would get me into an admirable school. I pushed to be president, joined as many clubs as possible, and took the hardest classes. My motivation was clear. I went in, did my work, and got out. So, I managed to graduate and begin college at 16.

I have just turned 18 and recently realized that I now have the number to back up the adult actions that I have been taking for years. I realized that everything I've worked for isn't necessarily what I want.

I'm a Colorado girl, born and raised, with an ambition for much more than the western plains. The allure of the city and the environment of a fast paced, dynamic world pull me every single day. At 16, I had to stay instate for school. But now, it's my time to finally make the jump and leave.

I believe that no action can be considered a risk unless you have something to lose. I recognized that my current life is pretty good. I'm at a very respected school, family close by, solid friendships. Leaving all that I have could very well be one of the biggest mistake of my life. But I am willing to risk pretty good for wonderful.

That's what being a true artist is. It is willing to risk all you have to create something spectacular. I know I could never reach my full potential as a dancer and a photographer here.

For the first time in my life, my passion is bigger than my reason.

It's worth all I have.

So this is my journey to make my way out of Colorado and take my dancing habit into a lifestyle. Welcome.